Time held me green and dying though I sang in my chains like the sea...

Frustrated with my future and with lard.

The McQuail's and Tarrah have both given me about 25lb of pork fatback. The fat of the pig between the skin and the muscle. Last time I rendered pork fat, I rendered the flare; the lovely flakey stuff from around the kidneys that's makes leaf lard... first rate lard that is revered in for making pastries. It is so flakey that is rips around and when you blend it in the food processor it turns to a pulp. Then there are virtually no cracklings (left over bits) after rendering. All that is left is a little of the membrane that you couldn't peel off. The lard is almost scentless and cools white. It takes maybe less than an hour of work all together.

But the fatback is chewy, and determined to stay attached to the skin. You need the sharpest knife you can find, which I can't find, and the skin is offputting since it is still often covered with stubble from the Birkshire pig's black hair. The odor is strong and unpleasant. We got off work early yesterday so I sat and sliced the McQuail's fat for an hour and a half. I had barely gotten through one sixth of the fat and half of the fat was still attached to the skin after wrestling with each piece. It blended into a pink lumpy pulp and the fat is over half cracklings. An hour and a half of cutting produced about two cups of second rate lard. If I paid myself it would cost at least $10 for a 250ml jar, which it is not worth.

I find this frustrating because I want to use the fat. There is still hours' worth in the cooler and it has been there a week--cutting it close. Drowning in fat.

Along with the veggies rotting in the feild. I want more time to myself to deal with the amount that is produced. I want an acre of garden, a stream and to put up my yurt and live simply, garden and raise chickens for meat and eggs. Next year, anyhow.